In which Mattie discusses the trials and tribulations she is dealing with as she fumbles through her last year of college.
Over the past three years of college, I can say with the utmost confidence that I’ve had my fair share of “college” experiences, ranging from sub-par to incredible. The late nights, the new friends, the heartbreak, the never-ending pile of homework constantly sitting beside my bed… As I stand before my final year of college, I can’t decide if I’m going to miss this part of my life or not. I remember writing a journal entry three weeks into my freshman year, at a different college in a coffee shop I would never visit again, reflecting on how “in the spotlight” I felt at the time. I said that the simple state of being alone most of the time was forcing me to really reflect on who I was, what I wanted, etc etc etc. I promised myself in that journal entry that I was going to find myself during that year.
It’s now three weeks into my senior year, and I realized I’ve failed my 18 year old self. Have I really distracted myself with frivolous thoughts and activities for three entire years? How have I managed to do that? At least I’ve decided one thing that may be a step towards a reasonable future…
As I’m typing this, my GRE workbook lays next to me, untouched… unopened. Sometime during the hazy summer months, I hastily decided that I wanted to go to grad school and I still think it is a good idea, but I’m not quite sure if I’m ready. But that’s always my problem — the constant overthinking and worrying ruins everything that might be a good decision. So, am I ready? Should I pack up everything, move away from everything I’ve known, and go to grad school? I wish someone could decide for me. How much easier would life be, right? I know I’m the only one that can decide for myself.
The deadline to apply for the GRE is September 22nd.
The clock starts now.